Tuesday, 19 February 2013

One Night Stands

We've all done them! and if you haven't you will. People seem to think that due to our new secular society and modern generation one night stands have become a usual part of life that was never there before. But i think that's wrong, one night stands have been happening all over history. The amount of 'Bastard' children that came up in history shows that, and if any of you ever watched The Tudors, Henry V111...Serial one night stander. Its just today its more talked about and joked about and less women are called whores because it...Although i guess that still does happens, but these things take time, at least some men are called whores as well now thats a plus right?

So today im just going to give you a few bits of advice on one night stands to help make your one nighter the best it can be. This doesn't mean in anyway that ive had a billion one nights stand by the way... just putting that out there.

First of all don't ever attempt a one night stand with a friend for obvious reasons, such as you will actually have to see them again. The key to the perfect one night stand is plan to never see them again so to avoid awkwardness and the you've seen me naked thoughts.

Always try to bring your new friend back to your place, there are many pluses to this, such as being at your place meaning you have all your things you may need before bed, being able to have a shower in the morning and hope they leave during to avoid awkward goodbyes and the most important, not having to leave early in the morning wearing last nights clothes for the long walk home known to all as...The Walk Of Shame. However if you do end up going to the other persons place because you clearly didn't follow my advice then when starting your long cold journey home, first of all think about how you didn't listen to me! and second ALWAYS refer to the walk as the Stride Of Pride! Never feel shameful of a one night stand. Unless they were gross...then you're back to a Walk of Shame.

Now because this is probably the first time you're meeting this person it may be better to hold back on any freeeakkkyy stuff.You know what i'm talking about. Unless they have shown some interest don't show them all the weird because chances are they will know someone who knows someone who has a friend who has a sister who knows someone that knows you! and you may not want that circling.

This is an obvious one but i thought it was funny, try not to have a american pie moment.

We all know a few minute men out there and it is not a name you want to pick up!

The subject of cuddling is more of a play it by ear thing. If you dont want to cuddle then don't easy as, if you do maybe start of with an arm then lead to the full on spoon. Chances are you will wake up back to back in the morning anyway.

 How to get them to leave and how to leave?
 The easiest option would be to say you have work, uni, college or whatever in the morning so you have to go. If they're at yours they will get the hint and if you are at theirs they will probably be at the door saying goodbye already.

Now if in some crazy world you possibly want to see this person again but you're not sure how they feel always judge it on how you say goodbye. I believe the rules are a wave means pretty much goodbye forever, if you get this then go buy yourself some hangover food to drown your sorrows. A hug tends to mean if i see you again it won't be too awkward but im not sure if i want to 'see' you again.This one can be worked on may just have to do a bit of text flirting, that is if you got their number? and a kiss tends to mean i had a good time and if you want a booty call im here. Obviously they're thinking its a one night stand so you will still have to work on it but you have the advantage of that at least.

So thats my advice, hope it helps you on your many endeavours and for this post i suppose Happy Humping.

Hope you enjoyed reading.


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