The Poor and Penniless

Hi all,

As i am sure just like me, many other students have started to notice their wallets and purses getting ever so light in the last few weeks, their bank balance hitting that special number that all student know as end of the line and banks know as overdraft limit. This is because it is the end of the term, meaning student loans go in soon! Which you would think would be a godsend and it is, but it also means as i have found out that the weeks reaching up to this fantastic date are difficult to say the least.

Suddenly everything seems so expensive, the pub prices are more extortionate than normal and the fags are just not hitting the right spot, mainly because you asked the person at the counter for the cheapest ones they had and came out with a brand almost unpronounceable.

So i am going to give you a few tips to help you keep busy even though you have no money. First i suggest if possible a return to the parents house, That way you don't have to pay for food or heating which are the main spend for students next to alcohol and fags.

 Second ask your parents for money to buy alcohol and fags. Depending on the type of parents you have perhaps blur out the specifics of what you need money for. A good tactic if your parents won't go along with the answer of 'stuff' is to cause a distraction, ask them for the money and while giving an answer knock something over or quickly change subject to something more exciting, then after revert back to the money and a lot of parents will have thought you gave a good enough reason already. Or the third option lie and say its for something important like pens because everyone needs pens.

Once you have spent your free money and are hungover, bored and broke then comes the next few ideas. Perhaps get some equally poor friends together and... wait for it....... play monopoly!!! I bet a few of you went 'urgh' in your heads just then. But don't knock it! i love a bit of board game fun and i am not a monopoly snob cluedo and other ones are allowed to! But you're in for a funny time playing with your friends and maybe you can create some sort of strip version and make it an over 18's kind of game. But either way board games win and are free and its not like you're are doing much else.

My next idea... movies, i would say movie nights but don't limit yourself to just nights, chances are if you're broke and bored then im guessing you have quite a bit of free time, movie days my friends are the way forward! Maybe whack on the twilight saga and see who dies of boredom first! Although that one is normally quite a short game! But yes dear readers remember films are your friends!

I also researched things to do with no money so will tell you some of my favourites, start a blog... don't do this one, people hate people who write blogs,  Practice origami because that is a skill that will get you through life and making shapes is, well my favourite thing to do next to starting a compost bin which was also on this list, seduce you partner... much more my sort of thing, Take a nap which i do when i have money so that's obvious, Turn on the water sprinkler which is riveting,  hold a baby hopefully with permission from the parents and my favourite one... write your will because after doing the shit things this website suggested there clearly isn't much left to do in life.

My final point which should of been my first point thinking about it now, is to read my blog!!!!! because i like getting the page views and you know you're in for a good time with these!! I mean who doesn't appreciate being told how to spend their time after all....

Anyway hope you enjoyed reading.

Jason

Pulling Gone Wrong

Hi all,

Sorry it has been a little while, for any uni students out there you will know the pains of the end of term. It basically means hand in all your deadlines on one day. So i have been somewhat preoccupied. But don't fret i have officially handed in all coursework so now have all of Easter to find things to do other than revision!

So today im going to discuss the topic of pulling gone wrong! There are a lot of situations when you're on a night out, you've had a few drinks, that person is looking at you from across the room (refer back to previous post on eye fucking), after at least three more shots, one of you makes the first move, you're in a club and the general gist of your conversation involves 'WHAT!??' and 'I CANT HEAR YOU!', so the pleasantries are done with, you make out, people take pictures i mean we know how this bit goes.... But sometimes things don't always go so smoothly. So here are a few situations that can come up and my advice to you if they do.

Situation 1. So you're dancing with your new friend, they're are probably about a 6 or 7 but beer goggles on makes them an 8 or a 9. You start dancing and kissing, everything is normal.... But then you get a tap on your shoulder or an abrupt stopping to the most likely poor kissing skills of your new friend, to see depending on your preference a boy or girl standing in front of you looking like they're about to murder someone. Probably something like this.

Minus the hot tub....maybe.  Now is the point my friends to get out of the firing line because that bitch is either killing you or your new friend.  Yes this pull has another half!
 Now these situations are awkward to say the least! so even if you thought this new acquittance was really hot, perhaps you had something in common or you even saw something more coming of it. Well forget all of that because they're a cheater and what's worse they are a stupid cheater, i mean who is dumb enough to cheat with your other half there! I suggest you look as shocked as this betrayed stranger does, make a big fuss that you had no idea(even if you did) and walk away as fast as you can! i suggest turning around after about 10 seconds of walking away if you want to see this

However if you're are skilled enough there is always the chance to turn this situation around and make it into one of these

But i will leave that down to you to make that happen, but i would suggest a lot of alcohol!

Situation 2. Once again you are pulling someone but this time things go smoothly you get a few drinks together and then head back to your place(refer to previous post on one night stands) everything is going well and they ask to use your bathroom, while away you do the checks, just to make sure you look as hot as you think you do still, but then you notice its been 20 minutes and you're still by your lonesome, so of course go to see if they have got lost and find a image looking something like this.

Now as attractive as this is, its probably best that you don't continue what you originally had planned as that could get you into a lot of trouble. Instead the question is how to get rid of them? because to be honest no one wants to look after a drunk, especially one you barely know. 

To be honest it all depends on what the person is like. Some drunks will be perfectly fine after throwing up, they will get back up and be normal, on this occasion just don't give them a choice, my favourite line is 'i just called a taxi for you so you better wait outside for it' even if you haven't it doesn't matter! it gets them out of the house and then you can call a taxi, Simples! But sadly many people aren't so easy. If you have a more unstable drunk then if you can get their phone perhaps try contacting one of their friends and get them to pick the drunkard up! If that doesn't work well then close the door, go to bed and pray they're are gone by the morning! And maybe leave them some water because there is no need to make things worse! and hopefully when the sun comes up the only thing that won't go away is a hangover! 

These are just a few situations that i could think of, but i am sure there are plenty more! If you can think of any put it in the comments below. 

Hope you enjoyed reading.

Jason

Crushing

So I've been watching some romance films recently and now am feeling all mushy inside so I'm going to chat about some of that stuff...prepare yourself.

Now I'm not a big relationship person to be honest, I think if I found someone I really liked, then sure I would be with them. But the people I tend to like are either in relationships, or I'm just not really their cup of tea if you know what I mean.

But that doesn't stop me crushing on them! One thing that i notice for me anyway when i like someone, like really like them i just can't get them out of my head. Its kind of a good in the way that you are just day dreaming about the many scenario's of you too together, and to be honest could be thinking about worse things. One of my favourites is this dream scenario.

But at the same time its annoying because its only a day dream and you want the real thing. My suggestions in these situations is if the person you like is single and you are in fact their cup of tea, then make a move! Turn that dream into reality as they say. Don't wait for them to do it because you could be waiting forever! and always remember confidence is hot! It doesn't matter if you're a girl or a boy everyone loves confidence! FACT!  Make your move and see what happens, yeah they might reject you and you know that's awkward, but they might not!

But if you're like me and tend to crush on those special someone's who already has there own special someone's, well I'm not fan of cheating, so my suggestion would be to try and move on from it. If one day you're single and they're single then i expect your feelings will return and try it then, but don't wait around for that. I know its not exactly stuff of fairy tales but if you move on maybe you will go and find another prince, princess or knight in shining armour who will make that old flame look like a toad.

So if you're are lucky enough to have the day dreams and make them real....well i am jealous of you my friend. And if you're not so lucky this time then don't give up just yet. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow.

Don't worry normally this sort of thing makes me want to vom, so it won't be a regular occurrence.

Hope you enjoyed reading

Jason

P.S I am now going to bombard you with people who have already found their prince, princess or knight in shining armour.

My Best Investment

So encase you haven't noticed its snowing...again!

I have now decided that the British weather is Bi-Polar! That can be the only explanation for the weather mood swings! I swear a few days ago i saw people wearing shorts and now its back to the thick coats, jumpers and boots!

I am so bored of the cold weather now its unreal! i think its time for summer. Although saying this as much as the snow is a complete turn in the wrong direction you cant say that its not pretty. So as much as you want to moan about it at least its nice to look at!

Now onto my main point, a while a go i bought myself a new winter parka coat. Which i love. It was one of those things you suddenly notice and then are not happy until you get yourself one even though the day before you hadn't even thought about them. Unless that's just something only i do, either way it happened.

Only thing about this coat is that its from Topman and it was going to the very cheap price of £100. Much to the disapproval of my parents for spending so much money on a piece of clothing. But i did get student discount off it and i had a £10 voucher so it was only £80 which is a bargain in my eyes. Or that's how i justify it anyway. But of course my parents told me i would only be able to wear it in the winter months and then would't touch it again.

But dear parents who i hope aren't reading this, i have something to say to you. Its snowing... in march! and knowing how the lovely British weather is, it will probably snow again in May, June and i expect July. So this interestingly priced coat has now become an all year round coat. So i consider it to be my best investment and well worth the money.

Now expect lots of pictures of this beautiful investment just so i can show it off.

It also has an awesome pattern

Just a quick extra bit on another investment that has to be the best bargain i have ever found. Some boots from Burton also £100 but reduced to...£15! And they are the warmest things ever. I went out today in the snow and my feet were the warmest part of me! Second to my body under the coat of course.

Sorry for getting picture happy but blame my housemate for taking too many truly attractive pictures of me... as you can see.

Hope you enjoyed reading

Jason.

What coloured glasses are you wearing?

Have you ever looked at someone and not been able to see anything wrong with them? That everything they do seems to just oozes cool? But you can never quite reach their standards. They make everyone laugh with a one liner but you have trouble making anyone laugh with any of yours. They always seem to look good in every situation whereas your walking down the road sporting the it rained, snowed, you got it by lightning and spilt food down yourself look.

These gods on earth can be anyone, most people seem to think they have to be that crush, the one that you never think you will get because they're just too perfect and your just not. But i don't think that's true... yes a lot of the time the person you're dreaming about on those cold winter nights tends to match this category but there are others/ Ones you don't really think about.

For example ive seen it quite a bit, there is always that friend that you were slightly jealous of for whatever reason better hair that you, more muscular, always getting with better looking people than you. There is always one friend that people seem to think of as better than them, and these are the friends you look at in green coloured glasses. I mean we think love blinds us but envy sure does it too!

Another one would have to be loyalty, and i have no idea what coloured glasses those would be so im going to move on from that analogy now. Don't get me wrong i think when someone is truly loyal its amazing! If someone sticks by someone through thick and thin you have got a real good friend there! But sometimes i think people are so loyal that they loose sight of everything else. I think it blinds people from seeing that there is a reason they're are the last one standing by them. That their blind loyalty is stopping them from seeing what's actually going on! Now im not saying ditch your friends but just be aware that just because you may have been friends for years or are really close doesn't mean that those person cant do something wrong and sometimes staying by them through everything might actually be stopping that person from seeing their mistakes.

So i suggest to the world to take off your glasses (okay im back on the analogy) and just look at everyone as they are, don't look at people through their past actions look at what they are doing now, don't stare at that crush all day long thinking how you never have a chance, look for their flaws so that they seem more attainable, chances are they are just human and just looking for someone to treat them that way, and don't be jel of that friend that seems to have everything you want, use that as motivation to get what you want, instead of dreaming about it.

So you may not believe me on any of this, which is fine, but tell me you weren't thinking about a particular person when reading each of these?

Hope you enjoyed reading

Jason

Never Have i Ever.

The perfect drinking game for finding out secrets, scandals and embarrassing details into peoples lives.

This has to be my most favourite drinking game ever! If you ever want to know some secrets about someone this is the game for you.

For all you hermits out there i will explain the rules.
1.First get as many shot glasses and alcoholic beverages as you can, mainly spirits and shotable drinks. If you haven't got any of these normal booze such as beer and cider work fine just drink them from your cup but of course you won't get as drunk which means you won't have as much fun.
2. Create a circle so you can see everyone and their drinks. To make this game run faster i suggest filling up all the shot glasses at the beginning to avoid the tedious task of refilling which as the game progresses becomes more and more difficult.
3. The order of this game generally is you go around the circle but as the game goes on and your sentences slur more people will just call out.
4. The original rules were on your turn you say 'never have i ever...' then you state something that you've never done that others in the circle may have done. If anyone in the circle has done it they must drink. However the modern take to the rules is that you say 'i've never'  because when your drunk that's a lot easier to say and you can have done your i've never. You just have to be prepared to drink alongside everyone else.

Now this game is predominately about sex, sexual acts and sexual misgivings. So be prepared to reveal all when playing. Had any embarressing sex dreams recently? or perhaps your twosome has become a threesome on occasion well playing this games those secrets wont stay secrets for long.

An extra tip for this game is when playing with your close friends whose secrets you already know, its always fun to embarrass them but be warned if you know their secrets chances are they know yours!

So when you're drinking responsibly this is your game!

Hope you enjoyed reading.

Jason

P.S. Also i take no responsibility for the events that occur during this game.... including

One Night Stands

We've all done them! and if you haven't you will. People seem to think that due to our new secular society and modern generation one night stands have become a usual part of life that was never there before. But i think that's wrong, one night stands have been happening all over history. The amount of 'Bastard' children that came up in history shows that, and if any of you ever watched The Tudors, Henry V111...Serial one night stander. Its just today its more talked about and joked about and less women are called whores because it...Although i guess that still does happens, but these things take time, at least some men are called whores as well now thats a plus right?

So today im just going to give you a few bits of advice on one night stands to help make your one nighter the best it can be. This doesn't mean in anyway that ive had a billion one nights stand by the way... just putting that out there.

First of all don't ever attempt a one night stand with a friend for obvious reasons, such as you will actually have to see them again. The key to the perfect one night stand is plan to never see them again so to avoid awkwardness and the you've seen me naked thoughts.

Always try to bring your new friend back to your place, there are many pluses to this, such as being at your place meaning you have all your things you may need before bed, being able to have a shower in the morning and hope they leave during to avoid awkward goodbyes and the most important, not having to leave early in the morning wearing last nights clothes for the long walk home known to all as...The Walk Of Shame. However if you do end up going to the other persons place because you clearly didn't follow my advice then when starting your long cold journey home, first of all think about how you didn't listen to me! and second ALWAYS refer to the walk as the Stride Of Pride! Never feel shameful of a one night stand. Unless they were gross...then you're back to a Walk of Shame.

Now because this is probably the first time you're meeting this person it may be better to hold back on any freeeakkkyy stuff.You know what i'm talking about. Unless they have shown some interest don't show them all the weird because chances are they will know someone who knows someone who has a friend who has a sister who knows someone that knows you! and you may not want that circling.

This is an obvious one but i thought it was funny, try not to have a american pie moment.

We all know a few minute men out there and it is not a name you want to pick up!

The subject of cuddling is more of a play it by ear thing. If you dont want to cuddle then don't easy as, if you do maybe start of with an arm then lead to the full on spoon. Chances are you will wake up back to back in the morning anyway.

 How to get them to leave and how to leave?
 The easiest option would be to say you have work, uni, college or whatever in the morning so you have to go. If they're at yours they will get the hint and if you are at theirs they will probably be at the door saying goodbye already.

Now if in some crazy world you possibly want to see this person again but you're not sure how they feel always judge it on how you say goodbye. I believe the rules are a wave means pretty much goodbye forever, if you get this then go buy yourself some hangover food to drown your sorrows. A hug tends to mean if i see you again it won't be too awkward but im not sure if i want to 'see' you again.This one can be worked on may just have to do a bit of text flirting, that is if you got their number? and a kiss tends to mean i had a good time and if you want a booty call im here. Obviously they're thinking its a one night stand so you will still have to work on it but you have the advantage of that at least.

So thats my advice, hope it helps you on your many endeavours and for this post i suppose Happy Humping.

Hope you enjoyed reading.

Jason